8 I AMs

This comes from the book of John. There are eight times, where Jesus says, " I Am..." After each statement, in parenthises will be the chapter and verse the statement is found.

1. I am the Bread of Life (6:35)
2. I am the Light of the world (8:12)
3. I am the gate for the sheep (10:7)
4. I am the Good Shepherd (10:11)
5. I am the Resurrection and the Life (11:25)
6. I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life (14:6)
7. I am the true vine (15:1)
8. Therefore, I tell you the truth, before Abraham was born, I AM (8:58)

If you notice, for 1-7, after the "I am" there is the word "the". Jesus is the only one of each of those statements.

Uncertain Future

No official surgery date, only a tentive one. The tentive date is Tuesday, June 12. Susposedly I will find out the complete details next Wednesday, when the doctor goes back into the office and the nurse who does the scheduling can talk to him, and finalize everything.

I can't start preparing for the sugery until I know when it is. I need to mentally prepare myself.

It talks in Proverbs about making plans. I've been making plans to go to FL, NC, and VA to check out school districts, try to get interviews. Because of being diagnosed with melanoma, I've had to scratch my plans, and make new plans. Guess what, they are not being scratched. Okay, Lord, what are you trying to tell me. Is the Lord closing doors? Does He want me to teach or do something else? Where does the Lord want me to live and work? Right now, it is in OH? I've put my life on old for now, which I don't like. I guess I need to quit making plans. Lord, I still want to go to Jamestown, VA this summer. Please let that be possible.

Deaths in the family

In the past two weeks, there have been two deaths in the family. First, my grandmother's niece, her brother's daughter, died of cancer. She was in her fifties. My great-uncle died Monday of a heart attack. My uncle was my grandmother's brother-in-law, my late grandfather's brother. Going to calling hours tomorrow night. If I am not called to sub on Friday, I will go to the funeral on Friday morning.

What did the doctor say?

I saw the plastic surgeon today. My appointment was for 10:15 am, I didn't get in to see him until around noon or slightly before. I will be having surgery in two weeks. (It is not next week, because they are out of the office next week.) The doctor will be injecting radioactive dye into area will the melanoma is on my right calf. They will use this dye to see where the melanoma is draining to. They want to see if it goes to the lymph nodes in my groin area. They want to see if there is any cancer in my lymph nodes. The results of that test will take about a week.

Also in surgery, the doctor will make 2 cm incisions on both sides of the melanoma to take it out of my leg. Then a skin graft from my thigh will be made to cover the hole they make. I will be in a cast for about 4-5 days, because I will not be able to move my leg. The surgery will be out-patient and take about 3 hours.

This means mom and I will not be going down to FL that week so I could attend a job fair and go check out other school districts in FL and NC. Mom said we might go a couple of weeks later into June. I hope this will not stop me from going to TX later in June for SV's wedding.

Mom and I both know that God has a plan and his reasoning for all of this to be happening. We just don't see it. I think and pray about this, but so far, it hasn't compeltely settled in. It probably won't until after the surgery and I know more.

Anxiety and Fear

Tomorrow is D-day. I try not to think too much about tomorrow. My parents and my great-aunt and uncle (even though I never use aunt and uncle before their names) will be at my doctor's appointment in the morning. I will be seeing a retired plastic surgeon (from what I have been told). What will he do? What will he say? Has it really been caught early? I had that thing since September of last year. When you think too much about something, it can start to controll you, and I do not want to be controll about the unknown about tomorrow. I talk to the Lord about this. I am a little worried and scared.

I keep telling myself, that I need to go down to the basement and look for my angel doll I packed away back in February. I have so many people praying for me, of which I am very thankful and grateful for. I want the Lord to be glorified through this whole thing. As I said before, He has a reason for this.

After tomorrow, I will know exactly what kind of cancer it is. Where it is seems strange to me. True, I am blonde hair, blue-eyed, very fair skinned person who burns. I do not lay out, laying on my stomach. When I do sit outside, I might or might not use sunscreen, but I sit or I am in the water. The back of my legs don't see the sun.

I want to ask why, but exactly what good will it do? It still is kinda shocking to know that I have cancer. All I can still say, "Father, your will be done here on earth as it is in Heaven."

Cancer

Cancer is something you wished you never have to hear. I found a brown spot on the back of my right leg last September. Since I do not have health insurance I didn't do anything about it. Since January, it has bled off and on. I went to the doctor last Thursday afternoon to see the doctor. He took it off, and sent it to pathology to have it tested. He called this morning with the results. Came back cancerous. I have cancer. I will say it again. I have cancer. It is probably just skin cancer, but still the same cancer.

Next Wednesday morning, I have an appointment at 10:15 am (EST) with a specialist. Both of my parents will be there. Because of work, my sissy can't be there. She gets to tell my niece. How do I tell my handicap brother? How much will he understand? I haven't see him in almost three weeks. Business of life and then I was sick with a bad head cold.

The Lord has his reasons for things. Mom said he knew by me coming home, I would have my family support through this. It is very shocking to hear the words. Hold me in your arms, Father. Use me to bring glory to your name. I am going to need to feel your prescence during this time.

How is things going to affect looking for a new job? How is this going to affect getting health insurance again, after I get a job. How much will this cost me? How will I pay for this? Please do not let this drive me nuts Father Lord. Lord, you know how I have been trying to lean on you in the past month. How I have been trying to wait upon you. I do not know your plans or reasoning for this. All I can say, Your will be done here on Earth as it is in heaven. You are in charge, I am not.

Living Hope

This past Saturday, April 21, was the Living Hope conference for women at Parkside Church in Chagrin Falls, OH. I went with my mom and some ladies from her church. (Yes, I attend a different church than my parents do.) This conference was put on by Moody.

The speakers were Liz Curtis Higgs (Bad Girls of the Bible and The Very Bad Girsl of the Bible), Lisa Whelchel ("Blair" on Facts of Life), Jennifer Rothchild. Worship was with Alecia Williamson. The speakers were funny. I did take some notes. I am glad I went.

I bought Lisa's autobiography, and a 8x11 pic of her and had her sign it. I had Liz sign my ticket. I also had my pic taken with Lisa Whelchel.

EMU Teacher Job Fair

Tuesday, April 17, was the 20th annunal Teacher job fair at Eastern Michigan University. I went up to MI the afternoon before, after subbing. I spent a few hours with my best friend and her 3 sons. We hadn't seen each other since New Year's Eve 2005.

My first EMU job fair was in 1994, and that is when I first became interested in TX. I went back in 1995, and made my first two trips to TX that summer. Nothing came of those trips. I looked in OH and went to the Akron U job fair. I went back up to MI in 1998. I made a trip to MI at the end of May that year, and moved down to Houston that August.

This year, there were school districts from MI (duh!), MN, OR, CA, AZ, AK, KS, IL, IN, LA, TX, KY, OH, TN, NY, AL, MD, FL, GA, SC, NC, VA, MD, NY, and a couple of International recruiters. I visited recruiters from AZ, KS, VA, MD, FL, SC, and NC. I tell them all that I am interested in 4th or 5th, but I am flexible. FL, SC, VA, NC, and MD sounds interesting to me. A school district from MD gave me a letter of interest for ESOL. It is not a contract, but a letter saying that we are both interested in each other, and if I fulfill all the requirements, I will be offered a job. This district is just outside of D.C. Another district, this one from SC is also interested in me. I was told that they were interested in offering me a letter of intent. I said that I wanted to check out the website first. I sent them an email, saying I was interested in the letter of intent. Will see...

Trying to talk my mom into making a road trip to check out some different school districts and their areas. I am hoping to move to a different state later this summer. I have applications to fill out. I have to request more copies of my transcripts, which cost $, for these different school districts, because they will not accept copies. They want orginial copies sent to them.

I thanked the Lord on Tuesday for the interest I recieved from these different school districts. I have already been praying about Tuesday, and asking the Father for his will and not for mine. I am asking for him for his will about where I will work.

Sight and Sound Theatre

I went to Lancaster, PA for a couple of days this week. I went with my mom and three other ladies from her Thursday morning Bible study that meets here at the house. I went with them last time, June 2005. If you don't' already know, Lancaster is home to the Amish and Mennonites. Last time I was there, I found out how the Amish started.

The Amish broke away from the Mennonites. The Mennonites started by a Catholic Dutch Bishop in Switzerland in the mid 1500's. They believed in a complete separation of church and state. Both groups came over to PA in the 1700's. The Amish fascinate me, but I could never live like they do.

Sight and Sound has two theatres in Lancaster. It is a Christian theatre company. They put on four shows a year. Two in the spring and summer and two at Christmas. I have seen three shows so far: Ruth, Psalms of David, and In the Beginning. They are really good. They are all musicals. In the Beginning premiered March 30 of this year. They will be premiering a new Christmas show this year.

Sight and Sound is currently building a new theatre in Branson, MO to open next year. Their first show in Branson, will be Noah. If you ever have a chance you need to go and see one of their shows. Tickets can be pricey, but it is worth it.

We also saw a replica of the Tabernacle. This is located at the Mennonite Historical Society, there in Lancaster. Everything there is to the exact size that God said it should be. I took pictures and bought some postcards.

Playing baseball

The Indians and the Angels played their series at the Brewers field Tuesday through Thursday. The Indians won two of the games. In today's paper, it said in total amount of snow taken from the Indians field this past week was 33 inches.

The White Sox are in town for a three game series. The Sox won last night and the Indians won this afternoon. The Sox did get on base today, but nobody made it home, so we won our first shutout of the season. The Indians record is now 6-3, and we have only played 2 different teams.

We will have to make up the Seattle series by playing two different days of double-headers on the same off days. They have not yet decided which days they will be. They are thinking of the first one will be in June.

It is currently snowing.

Still no baseball

It is now Monday, and there is still no Cleveland Indians baseball games to watch. I am going through baseball withdrawl. My mom came home from work this afternoon, and first thing she told me was that today's double headers was cancelled. The Indians and the Mariners have been trying to play baseball since Friday and just can't play.

10 inches of snow has fallen at Jacob's Field. The groundscrew now has three more days to get the field ready for this weekend's series against the White Sox. Why three days you ask? The Angels and the Indians are moving their three game set to Milwakee to play. The Brewers have a retractable dome, and since they are not home this week, they agreed to let the Indians and the Angels to play there. This is only the second time since 1961, a series was moved to a different location due to weather.

The Indians and Seattle has to make up the four missed games. There are only 6 common off days between the two teams. I am upset that there is no baseball. I want to watch baseball!

Carrying Each Other's Burdens

Galations 6:2 (NIV) "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."

Have you ever thought where the above verse comes from? Besides God telling Paul to write it.

Yesterday, was Good Friday. My parent's church had communion service last night. The special music was "Watch the Lamb". I was listening to the words of the song, and picturing it in my head. You get to the part of the guy who was pulled from the crowd and told to carry Christ's cross. That guy was Simon of Cyrene. He carried the cross for Jesus to Golgotha. He carried his burden for him, just like it says to do in Galations 6:2. I never thought of it like that before. I thought it was a very interesting thought.

Home Opener Postponed

Yesterday, Good Friday, April 6, was Home Opener for the Cleveland Indians. It was postponed due to snow!

Woke up Thursday morning to snow. Woke up Good Friday to more snow. Festivities started 2 hours in advance yesterday. First pitch was scheduled for 4:05 pm. It was snowing. The grounds crew used leaf blowers to get rid the snow from the outfield. They even shoveled snow from the infield, after taking the tarp off. The start of the game was delayed by an hour.

They had two snow delays in the first inning alone. We arrived at church around 6:45, and they were only in the second inning. When we left church around 8 pm, they were in the top of the fifth inning, two outs, bases loaded, and the count at 1-2. The Indians were winning 4-0. We were one strike a way from winning the game, when another snow delay was called. Finally, around 8:45 pm, the game was called. Get this, just a few minutes later, the snow stopped! We could've won! The irony of it all.

The game was rescheduled for 1:05 pm today to play a day night double header. Around 10 am this morning, both games were postponed due to snow and cold temperatures. If you dont' know, Cleveland sits on the banks of Lake Erie, and we have a thing called Lake Effect Snow. Some areas received up to a foot of snow yesterday and Thursday night.

Now, the Indians have a double header tomorrow on Easter. They are also scheduled to play on Monday (already on the schedule.) This is the only time all season, that Seattle will be here. I wonder how we will make up any of these lost games.

What this all means, no baseball for me to watch or to listen to. I have been so looking forward to the start of baseball, that this is hard for me.

Ready for some Baseball

Today, was game two of the new baseball season. I have been so ready for baseball. The Indians have won both games!!!!!!!! Yeah!!!!!!! Monday, Grady Seizemore hit a homerun on the second ball thrown to him in the first inning of the game. They even batted around that inning. They also batted around today in an inning. Monday's final was 12-5, and today's final was 8-7. Today was one of their edge on your seat kind of game, where I yell and get all mad at them.

Westbrook walked the two guys before Thome. He knows better than doing that. Thome is good at hitting homeruns. You dont' even give him a chance to hit a homerun. He's a former Indian.

One good thing about being home, is that I can watch them every day on tv, compared to only when ESPN decided to air the game or when they played the Rangers.

So they are now 2-0. Good going guys. Keep it up.

Easy day

Today, was my first day of subbing in the Akron schools. I pulled out students and gave them some one on one teaching time. We did different worksheets and they read to me.

The last two days, I got up with my alarm at 5:30 to do my devotions and wait to see if I get called or not. I got called on Tuesday, but they called back around 8 am to cancell it. Tuesday was for a half day in the pm. I didn't get called yesterday. I didn't think I would get called today, so , I didn't go to bed until after 11 pm last night. Lo and behold, I did get called. My dad called me about a quarter after 6 this morning. I left about 7:30 to head to the school. School here is from 8 am til 2:30 pm.

I have made myself unavailable for tomorrow, since I am picking up my sis and niece from the airport very late tonight.

Subbing in OH

Yesterday, was Wednesday (some of you are thinking, and so...), after BSF, I dropped off three subbing applications at three different school districts. Norton, won't start till a month from now, because I have to wait until the next Board's monthly meeting to vote and agree for me to be a sub. Copley-Fairlawn and Akron. (For those of you who live in North TX, Akron is an equivelant to DISD.) The latter two, I will be able to start subbing with them next week. Akron, on Monday. Copley, after Monday night's Board meeting. Both of them I will be paid between $80-95 a day.

Copley only has 2-3 elementary schools, and they are close to where I live. Akron is different, but they are also going through a building phase. Let me share with you about this building phase. First, certain schools have been set for closure, for good, if they haven't yet closed. A number of schools are either being renovated or getting brand new buildings. While this is being done, either, they are staying put in their school building, or they are being shuttled off to some other school or building somewhere else in town.

I do not know how for sure when Copley will start calling me to sub. Akron has a phone system, and since it is not possible to have a phone in my bedroom, I have to teach my dad how to use the subfinder system so that he can accept jobs for me early in the morning. The system starts calling at 5:30 am. A good deal of the time, he is already up, so it won't be hard for him to answer the phone and write down the info I need. I am going to make sure my dad knows to only accept jobs between second and sixth grades.

First Job Fair of the Year

Today was the first Teacher Job Fair of the year. It was held at Akron U. I just got registered this week. People were able to sign up for interviews in advance and because of that, some districts had no openings today for interviews. There were 57 districts from 11 states.

There was a meet and greet from 9-9:45, where you talk to as many school districts as possible and try to get as many interviews as possible for the rest of the day. I was able to get three for before lunch and two for after lunch. After my fourth interview, I had an hour and half before my last one was scheduled. I sat/stood close to the person who was giving announcements during the day, and was able to get three more interviews. I ended up with a total of eight interviews for the day. I had four with in state districts and four from out of state districts. Two of my out of state districts I had already applied with. One in the fall and one last week.

One of the in state schools was a Catholic school from my hometown, and the principal seemed to like me.

My next teacher job fair is next month in MI, at the school I got my Bachelor's from. Will see what happens from today.

Job hunting in OH

My troubles haven't changed since I moved back home to OH. I still do not have a job. I changed my info on careerbuilder and monster. I look in the want ads of the paper, and so does my dad. I have gotten a few emails/cals from my resume being on careerbuilder and monster. I am checking into an agency in Canada that finds teachers to teach English in the different Asian countries.

I keep telling my parents that I can not teach here in OH, without my OH teaching certificate. I mailed in my application the week of February 5. I haven't received it yet. I have two applications for subbing, one coming in the mail, and I will pick up one next week, when I head back into downtown. I have to have a tb test, cost of $10. I have to be fingerprinted and have a background check done both by FBI and the state. The first one costs $40 and the second one around $15. Where is that money going to come from? I am hoping that what one district does will be accepted by the others.

I am registered for a teacher career fair next month up at EMU. I am trying to find out if I can go to Akron U's later this month. I have filled out so far, two applications for school districts in AZ. I am going to try to apply to as many school districts that will be at the fair up at EMU before hand. Each one takes time, and it gets boring sitting at the computer for hours.

Still can't understand why I couldn't find a job in TX. There are jobs in TX, so why couldn't I find one. Not completely sure what all I was doing wrong. It is harder yet to find one up here in OH. People leave OH for jobs. The Lord has something, I just wish his timetable in one coming about would happen soon. I am tired of not being without a job.

I can't sub without my OH teaching certificate, except for maybe in Akron Public Schools. My mom said something about taking inventory. I applied with the Dallas office, and they wouldn't call me or anything. I know people in the Akron office, so I know I will be put on the schedule. It has been 4 1/2 years since I took inventory of stores. They do have a new machine to use. Last week, I signed up with a temp agency here in town. It is actually the one, my sister used.

Church hunting

I've been home now for 11 days. I have attended three different churches. On the third I went to The Chapel, which is where I had my membership until I transferred it back in May 2001 to The Heights. I have said that The Chapel would be my default church. Yesterday, I attended Northside Christian Church in Wadsworth. The only singles class they have, are for those in their 20's and meet during the first hour. The church wasn't too bad. Had communion, and they started a new sermon series, as well. I called them today, and found out there is an ABF (adult bible fellowship/sunday school) that is both singles and married folks. They have a social this Saturday night. I will probably attend, and see what I think of them. Last night, I took grandma to Crusade Baptist Church. My grandparents went there in the evenings last winter. Before church starts, saw my brother. Will go there on Sunday nights, when grandma wants to go.

I have been praying about where to go to church. I have asked the Lord where he wants me to go. I want to feel welcome, I need/want a good singles class, and good Bible preaching. Those are my three requirements I am looking for in a church. I do miss The Heights, though.

Snow

I woke up this morning to one of my two favorite scenes...the morning after a snowfall. What a beautiful sight it was! There was about 3 inches on the ground. The snow on the tree limbs. Was gorgeous! Plus, to top it off, I saw 2-3 deer this morning. All of this, was viewed from my bedroom window.

This evening, before supper, we saw 13-20 deer along the treeline and heading into the field next door. Twice in one day, I was able to see deer! I just thanked the Lord both times.

Three times since Sunday, I have had to clean off my car before going anywhere.