Communication

Relationships and communication are both two way streets. Each person has to work at it. In the past, I got tired of doing all of the work with certain friendships and have dropped them, quit trying to get in touch with them. Guess what? It didn't seem to phase them, because they sure haven't tried to get in touch with me. That does hurt. Why does it hurt? My love language is Words of Affirmation. I need to hear or read positive words about me. My second main love language is time, spending time with me is important to me, in knowing that I am important to that person.

I have a small number of very close friends. We all get busy with our lives. Most of them have kids, married or not, they are busy. Case in point, I would love to see my brother more than I do, but I am busy and I have to plan my visits with him. These friends, we might go a bit of time without talking and when we do, we pick right up where we left off. We might not see each other very often. (One lives in MI, and other two live in TX. One lives locally, and we still are lucky to see each other a couple of times a year.) But here is the thing, we both work at the friendship.

In all types of relationships, one person can not just do all of the work. It is then one sided, and hurt feelings will happen. Each person has to put effort forward if you want the friendship/relationship to last.

Interview, What Interview?

I was supposed to have a phone interview this morning at 10 am. I was home by 9:45 am. Ten o'clock has come and gone, and no phone call. I don't have her phone number to call her. She said she would call if she didn't forget. Teachers started back today in Charlotte. It has me kinda down, all this stuff about Charlotte, the ups and downs. This, no phone call, must be God's way of making sure I know that moving is not part of his plan for me, right now. Who knows, I might still need him to confirm that. I will be kept busy subbing, but I want my own classroom again. I have been feeling melancholy the past couple of weeks, and its due to the Charlotte thing.

It is also due to the fact...WARNING: Vanity popping up!...When I look in the mirror, I see an area where hair is thinning, up front. Mom says it looks like there is also new hair growth in the same area, as well. I will continue loose hair even up to a few months after finishing Interferon. Only 2 months left of injections!!!!!!! YEAH!!!!!!

White blood count is up to 2.1 this week. Platelet is at 125. Have been feeling a little fit of brain fog, and when I stand up, I feel a little out of it, wobbly, like. Those are just side effects, nothing to worry about.

Yesterday's sermon was from Psalms 116, and it was good. Plus, I didn't' yawn during the sermon or Sunday School, and I usually do.

Thank you again for your prayers.

I Think the Door is Closing

I'm not sure, but I think God is closing the door to NC. I'd thought he opened it back in the spring. But with the frustrating problems/phone calls I have had this summer, and no job, looks like God is closing the door. I can't completely tell. I still get phone calls, and think there is a slim chance of moving. My mom doesn't want me to go, and I understand her reasoning. There is also the money issue in moving down there. Where is the money going to come from in renting an apartment, getting situated in both the apartment and in a new school? If this is God's will, then he will provide the money. Plus, there is the issue of my treatment, two months left. Having a hard time in accepting all of this.

Charlotte called yesterday to see if I was still interested. I called back and left a message. This lady called me back this morning, and we talked about what I am interested in teaching. There are still a few openings left down there. Later this afternoon, I received another phone call from a principal. I now have a phone interview this coming Monday morning at 10 am. She wanted to do it at 8:30 am, and I won't be home at that time.

New teacher orientation started yesterday. Teachers go back to work on Monday. There is staff development and time to work in your room next week. They like to ask me how soon can I get down there and if I'm relocating to the Charlotte area. I am only moving if I have a job. I said that I need a couple of days, once I was offered a job. I have to pack, and then I could leave the next day. They are cutting it close.

The new dilemma is knowing if I should accept the job or not if I am offered one. I just don't know now. In making sure I am ready by the 25th, not missing too many injections, and finding an apartment is a lot to think about and do. Lord, what is your will? Is this what you want? Is this from you? Am I just supposed to sub again this school year? I'm having a hard time accepting it and being thankful for all of this school stuff.

If I dont' make sense, it is because I'm having a hard time putting into words what I am thinking and feeling. I am confused.

Disappointment

I made my decision about the job offers from Yuma, AZ. Before I went out this morning, I recieved a phone call, saying that the 6th grade position was filled. When I came home, I called Yuma, and said that I was interested in accepting the 8th grade position at Castledome Middle School. I was told that she interviewed somebody yesterday, and was waiting for a phonecall by somebody at 3pm (PST) today. Then they would make their decision on Monday. I called the other school and found out that the AP was out. I am now waiting for him to call me back. I was told to accept the other job if I wanted to. The first phone call I made was the one I was leaning towards.

I had the right to think and pray about this. I didn't just want to make my decision half-heartedly. I needed to know this is what I was supposed to do. I prayed, I thought about it, and I talked about it. I looked up some verses in the Bible about making decisions.

Mom said that God would be honored because I prayed about it. I have prayed about my disappointment and have given it over to him. I have had quite a few people praying for me. The Lord's will be done here on earth as it is in Heaven. God has plans to prosper me, not to harm me. (Jeremiah 29:11) I am going to leave this in God's hands. What he wants, he will allow to happen. The Lord knows I want to be teaching somewhere.