New Breathing Mask

I found out a couple of weeks ago, that with my insurance, I can get a new mask for my breathing machine (for sleep apnea) every three months.  In the past month, I started having problems with my mask, because of the swelling of my face.  I last got a new mask, back in February.  I  like the mask, but it wasn't staying on properly, and the straps kept moving up towards my ears.  The week before Christmas, I stopped using the mask.  Last Monday, the 23rd,  I had an appointment over at Cornerstone to get a new mask.  I needed a bigger mask.  My new mask is similar to my old mask, but still different.  
   I slept pretty good this past week.  The first three nights, I was feeling good in the morning, with a good amount of energy.  I still took naps (on vacation).  But by Thursday/Friday, I started noticing that my energy level wasn't up as high as it had been. Dad made a comment Thursday or Friday night, about how the swelling was getting worse in my face.  I noticed Friday (I think) night, where the straps on the side was moving up towards my ears, having to readjust the mask when I woke up at night.
   Between my slightly high blood sugar levels, and not getting enough air due to the mask not fitting properly at night, my energy level hasn't been very good.  It is better than it was before Christmas vacation, but slightly lower than the beginning of last week.
   It is going to be interesting on New Year's Eve, since I get really tired in the evenings and become half asleep.  I am hanging out with my friends.  I am planning on taking my own pop, since last year they only served Coke products, and I am a Pepsi person.  Pepsi does help, but I hope I can last til midnight.

At the Doctor's Office Again

  I said that I had blood drawn on the 10th of this month.  Doctor's office called on Tuesday, to say they got the results and that the doctor wanted to see me.  So I scheduled the appointment for 10:50 this morning.  I waited about 50 minutes in the waiting room before being called back.  I gained about 2.5 pounds since the 2nd of this month.  I have been watching my portion sizes for when I eat.  I wanted to prove to my lung doctor that I wouldn't gain a lot of weight while on steroids.  My face is very puffy!
   Back on the 10th, blood was drawn to check my blood sugar and insulin levels.  I was told that steroids can mess up your sugar levels.  Mine is a little high.  6.3 is diabetic, mine is 6.5.  My doctor is not saying that I am diabetic.  On the 10th, I was taking 2 steroids a day, I am now down to 1 1/2 steroids a day.  Each pill is 20 mg.  The first month was 60 mg a day, the second month was 40 mg a day, and now I am down to 30 mg, 
  This is what we are going to do:  I was going to have my physical fasting  blood work done on January 17,  but it is being moved back to February 14.  I am already scheduled for blood work on that day for the kidney doctor.  Plus, my blood sugar will be tested on February 14 also.  According to my calculations, my last day to take steroids is January 20.  That will put me at 3 weeks without being on steroids, so hopefully, things will have settled down by then. 
    While I was at the doctor's office, I told her that my right leg was hurting.  I somehow did bruise an area on the front, but it hurt on the side for the past couple of days.  Since it felt warm to the touch to her, she wanted to get an ultrasound done on my leg.  That is the third one this year since July.  I had to head down to Green for a 3:30 appointment, since the places around where I live couldn't get me in for a stat ultrasound.  I do not have a blood clot in my right leg.  The area hurts and is kinda hard.  I will put the heating pad on it, and since I see the chiropractor on Saturday, I will ask him to do heat therapy on that area.  He is good at letting me  have the heat therapy when I ask for it.

Christmas Questionnaire

I linked up with another blog to answer these Christmas questions.

1. Hot Chocolate or Eggnog?
   Actually neither, but will drink hot chocolate.

2. Does Santa wrap your presents, or do they just sit underneath the tree?
        My parents wrap the presents for us kids.  I wrap the ones I give out.

3.  Colored lights or white?
     Definitely colored?  I like the blinking lights the best, but we do not have those up this year.  

4. When do you decorate?
         Usually, the tree comes up stairs from the basement on Thanksgiving, but the tree goes up that weekend.  My mom puts up the tree, and I help decorate the tree.  On a nice day sometime in November, she will go out and put the lights up on the lamp posts along the driveway.  The stockings go up, and lights and garland go up the stairs and along the banister.  This year this did not happen.  Mom has been sick, and I haven't been well most of the fall either.

5.  Real or Fake tree?
       We have a fake tree.  This year, my sister brought over hers and put it up.  Mom wasn't up to bringing up or 9 foot tree.  My sister's is much small, besides she had been thinking of buying a new tree this year.

6. What tops your tree?  
      We have an angel on the top of our tree.

7.  Favorite Christmas Memories or Traditions?
       We get a brand new ornament every year.  My mom started this when we three were kids.  All three were in the same theme, but as we got older and became involved in things, our ornament might have something to do with what we were involved in.  I have quite a few teacher ornaments, because I am a teacher.  I have some different Pittsburgh Steeler ornaments.  When we go on vacation, we might try to find a Christmas ornament from that place, but not always.  This year, I bought the ornaments, and forgot to buy a new one for myself.  My niece is part of the tradition.  The last few years, we have been buying our ornaments from the same person.  We like her stuff.

8.  Do you remember your favorite gift as a child?
    When I was in the second grade, I got a watch for Christmas.  I think like every five minutes, I would go around telling people the time. 

9.  Do you prefer giving or receiving?
    I think all like receiving, but I do love giving gifts to others.  I enjoy looking for something different for my family and friends.  I am bad, at buying, and then telling my friends, that I have their gift, but I do not tell them and make them wait, until they get it.

10.  What is your favorite Christmas song?
      It is actually a hymn, "Angels We Have Heard on High"  That is because I love the chorus.

11.  Candy Canes, Yuck or Yum?
      Yum.  I buy them for my students, and try to get the different flavors for them.  I do like the peppermint ones, the best.

12.  Favorite Christmas Movie?
        I do not have one.

13.  Do you shop online or in stores?
         Both, but mostly in the stores or at  craft shows.

14.  Photo cards, letters, or store bought cards?
     My family did  a photo card, two years ago, when we had our family pic taken for the last time ever.  I do like getting a photo card from my friends.  I usually send out store bought cards, and for a few people will add a letter to it.  I do like getting the letter.

My Morning

Early Sunday morning, God gave me a thought to call my doctor to see about having my insulin and blood sugar levels checked.  Yesterday morning, I called my doctor and left her a message to see if this could be done.  She agreed.  I spent some time yesterday on the phone between my doctor's office, and calling to see about making an appointment someplace to get blood drawn to have these two checked.  This was 12 hour fasting blood work.  Where I normally go, couldn't get me in until 2 pm, and I did not want to go all day without eating.  They told me that private outpatient at the hospital could do.  I called and had an appointment made for 7 am this morning.  I got hold of my doctor's office and they faxed over the order.

  I had to be at the hospital before 7 am to register.  I get there, registration did not have the order, private outpatient did.  The lady at registration called over them like 5 time, trying to get the order, or at least the diagnosis codes from the order, so she could in put those codes into the computer.  Someone finally came over with the order, for her to input the codes.  I walked over to private outpatient, and found out that the order from the doctor was written wrong.  But as a favor to me they went ahead and drew my blood.  I finally received some ice, to ice my port around 7:30 am.  I finally left the hospital about 7:45 am, and still needed to get some breakfast, so I went across the street to McDonald's and went inside to get something to eat in the car.  Their OJ machine wasn't working, so I got a Dr. Pepper to drink.  I finally got to school and signed in at 8:20 am.  My homeroom was already in the room, but I had called ahead, so they knew I was on my way to school.

  So today was a type of day where I was making mistakes and laughing at myself.

I Saw my PCP Today

 I saw my personal doctor first this morning at 8:40 am.  I was there over an hour.  I went in to see her because of having no energy and no energy in my leg muscles.  As I have posted before, I started steroids on Wednesday, October 23, with three a day.  By that Friday, I noticed how much energy I had.  That energy lasted about two weeks.

  The week of November 4, I started to notice how difficult it was to go up the two short flight of stairs at school, and the stairs at home at night to go to bed.  That Thursday night, is when I first noticed the rash on my legs, and had thought that I was having an allergic reaction. Of which I wasn't.

  The next week, it wasn't too bad.  The week of the 18th, rash was bad, the energy was horrible, half a sleep when I wen to school, polar pop every day, half a sleep, when I left school.  That Thursday, my right leg was hurting by the top part of my hole, and it was hard.  I went to the ER Friday night, and left with a prescription for pain pills.  That was 22nd, and we found out that mom had mono.

  By Thanksgiving, I was wondering if I had caught mono from mom.  So I called on Wednesday or Tuesday to see my doctor today.  My face is already very swollen from the steroids (I now take only two a day).  Areas around my neck are swollen, either due to the steroids or my lymph nodes are swollen.  I asked to be tested for mono. 

  The nurse was able to get blood from my left hand, it flowed slowly, but she was able to get enough for the different tests they wanted to run.  The did the quick mono blood test, which came back negative for mono.  But the rest was sent out to the lab and will be tested for mono. 

  Having sarcoid, and being on steroids, makes it difficult to know what is going on with my body.  I am still dehydrated, and do not drink enough water.  I drink pop for the caffeine kick I need to have energy to do things. 

  Between Thanksgiving through yesterday, I took naps on three of the four days.  Friday's nap was 2 1/2 hours long.  I usually only nap when I am sick.  I've been resting, but still need more.  I would like to know what is going on with my body.  I would like to feel better soon.

Holiday Tree Festival

  Every year, people decorate a tree and it is for sale at John S. Knight Center for the week of Thanksgiving.  People come and view all of the trees.  Each tree is a different theme.  This is a big fundraiser for Akron Children's Hospital.  Real Life went to walk around and look at the trees last Saturday  night, I went and had a lot of fun.  Afterwards, we ate supper at Spaghetti Warehouse.  Besides church, this is the first time I had hung out with the group in about two months.  Here are some pics of the trees that I took.

I think this is just a really cute Hawaiian themed one.  I liked this one a lot.

I liked this patriotic themed tree.

This was also kinda cool.  A tree in the shape of a snowman.

Here I am standing in front of a Pittsburgh Steelers themed tree. 

Today's Doctors' Visits

      I took the day off from school for three different doctor/dentist visits that I had scheduled for today.
     The first one was at 10 am with my kidney doctor.  I got the blood and urine tests results that were done October 18 and 20th.  All of the levels have gone down.  My creantin level is still just slightly over 2, my calcium is now in the normal range.  I have been diagnosed with Kidney Sarcoid.  There has been damage done to my kidneys.  We do not know if the damage will reverse itself, or what.  If the steroids I am on, do its job, then hopefully, the damage won't be too bad.  If I do or do not go off of steroids in two months, then I have to let my kidney doctor know.  If I do go off of them, then I will have blood work done in the middle of February to see what my different levels are.  As of now, I am scheduled to see him again on February 26.  If I am able to have the blood work done, and my levels have not gone down some more, or they have gone up, then I will have to have a kidney biopsy to see what type of damage has been done to my kidneys.  I have not been drinking a lot of water lately, because of being so tired, that I get a polar pop in the morning, to give me a kick of caffeine.  I have had no energy in the past week.  I have only gained 4 pounds in the last 5 weeks.  That is pretty good, for being on steroids.  The side effects are not fun.

     My next appointment was with the dentist at 1 pm.  I was supposed to have molds made of my teeth so that I could have a night guard made.  I've been clutching and grinding my teeth at night.  My face has become very swollen in the past two weeks.  The lady who was going to do the molds, could barely get the top one into my mouth, but she did.  She put a bit of the plaster mixture on the top of my mouth, and I had a major gagging fit and started to throw it up.  We could not get the molds made today.  I will have to wait until the spring, when I am off of steroids and the swelling in my face has gone down.

     My last appointment was for 2 pm at the dermatologist.  I actually saw the physician's assistant.  I wanted to know if the rash that was on my legs was exczema  that had spread from where I get it around my mouth down to my legs.  The exzcema has spread.  I was given a prescription for topical steroids to put on my legs twice a day for two weeks.  Giant Eagle pharmacy did not have it in, so I have to go back tomorrow to get it.  I was taking to the PA about the weakness in my legs I have been experiencing over the past three weeks.  She told me to call my personal doctor.  I will be seeing her on Monday, December 2 at 8:40 am.  It can be very difficult to walk, go up a few steps, and even get into and out of my car, because I have no energy in my legs.

   I fell yesterday morning in my classroom, I was walking behind two of my students and just went down.  They were seated at the table, I had just started going around, stapling a 1/4 sheet of paper into their planners, when I fell.  I have a bruise on the left side of my left leg.  I think I bruised my right leg, because it hurts, and there isn't really a bruise that has popped out on my leg.  My right leg does hurt.  

Pittsburgh Steelers vs. Cleveland Browns

Yesterday, one of my dreams came true! I attended my very first NFL game!  It was my dream game, going to a Cleveland Browns and Pittsburgh Steelers game.  I am a Pittsburgh Steelers fan!  My mom blames my sixth grade teacher for this.  He is a Steelers fan.  My dad won in some way a Browns/Steelers  package, with two tickets to the game, two tickets to the Football Hall of Fame, a tshirt, and a few other things in the bag.  I had a hard time finding someone, but got my cousin by marriage to go with me to the game.

  Got there early to see the pre-game festivities.  Here is a view of the stadium from my seat. 

I was able to see all of the action on the field from my seat.  Each team scored a field goal on their first possession.  Then they took turns punting the ball.  Kinda  boring!  After each possession, it seem to take a long time to continue the game, because of commercials for the tv.  Towards the end of the first half, the Browns quarterback, Jason Campbell gets hurt, and Weeden comes into the game for one play.  That seemed to give the Steelers the shot in the arm that they needed.  The Steelers scored a touchdown.  They scored twice before the end of the half. 
   A local high school from Berea played the half time show.  Third quarter, the Browns fumbled, and the Steelers scored.  Jason Campbell gets hurt again and is taken out of the game.  Weeden comes back into the game.  It is now mid-way through the third quarter, my feet are very cold.  I am very cold.  I did dress in layers.  The sun came out at various times, it snowed at times.  The temperature dropped while we were at the game.  We left the game.  The final score of the game was 27-11.  I would've love to stay for the whole game, I was just too cold!. 
  Here are some pics that I took during the game:

Streams in the Desert: November 17

Listen to what the unjust judge says.  And will not God bring about justice for h is chosen ones, who cry out to him by day and night?  Will he keep putting them off? I till you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly.  (Luke 18:6-8)

      God's timing is not ours to command.  If we do not start the fire with the first strike f our match, we must try again.  God does hear our prayer, but He may not answer it at the precise time we have appointed in our own minds.  Instead, He will reveal Himself to our seeking hearts, though not necessarily when and where we may expect.  therefore we have a need for  preservance and steadfast determination in our life of power.
      In the old days of flint, steel, and brimstone matches, people had to strike the match again and again, perhaps even dozens of times, before they could get a spark to light their fire, and they were very thankful if they could get a spark to lift their fire, and they were very thankful they finally succeeded.  should we not exercise the same kind of perseverance and hope regarding heavenly things? When it comes to faith, we have more certainty of success than we could ever have had with flint and steel, for we have God's promises as a foundation.
      May we, therefore, never despair, God's time for mercy will come--in fact, it has already come, if our time for believing has arrived.  Ask in faith without wavering, but never cease to petition the King simply because He has delayed His reply.  Strike the match again and make the sparks fly.  Yet be sure to have your tinder ready, for you will get a fire before long.  Charles H. Spurgeon
       I do not believe there is such a thing in the history of God's eternal kingdom as  a right prayer, offered in the right spirit that remains forever unanswered.  Theodore L. Cuyler

Streams in the Desert: November 15

We were under great pressure. (2 Corinthians 1:8)   ...so that Christ's power may rest on me. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

     God allowed the crisis in Jacob's life at Peniel to totally surround him until he ultimately came to the point of making an earnest and humble appeal to God Himself.  That night, he wrestled with God and literally came to the place where he could take hold of Him as never before.  And through his narrow brush with danger Jacob's faith and knowledge of God was expanded, and his power to live a new and victorious life was born.
      The Lord had to force David, through the discipline of many long and painful years, to learn of the almighty power and faithfulness of his God.  through those difficult years, he also grew in his knowledge of faith and godliness, which were indispensable principles for his glorious career as the king of Israel.
      Nothing but the most dangerous circumstances in which Paul was constantly placed could ever have taught him, and thus the church through him, the full meaning of the great promise of God he learned to claim: "My graces is sufficient for you" (@ Cor. 12:9).  And nothing but the great trials and dangers we have experienced would ever have led some of us to  know Him as we do, to trust Him as we have, and to draw from Him the great measure of His grace so indispensable during our times of greatest need.
      Difficulties and obstacles are God's challenges to our faith.  When we are confronted with hindrances that block our path of service, we are to recognize them as vessels for faith and then to fill them with fullness and complete sufficiency of Jesus. As we move forward in faith, simply and fully trusting Him, we may be tested.  Sometimes we may have to wait and realize that "perseverance must finish its work" (James 1:4).  But ultimately we will surely find "the stone rolled away" (Luke 24:2) and the Lord Himself waiting to bestow a double blessing on us for our time of testing.  A. B. Simpson

Allergic Reaction

I mention back in the spring about having issues in sleeping, which was due to stress.  I went to GNC and bought melatonin and velearan root to help me sleep.  They did, and I had no very little issues in sleeping over the summer.  I tried not to take these two sleep aids that much over the summer.  When school started at the end of August, all of a sudden, I started having issues sleeping again.  I have very little stress this year, and I have my joy back in teaching.  I love where I teach.  I love teaching my students and what I teach.  I am greatly enjoying my school year.  I've done the two sleep aids at various times this school year.  I got sick back in the middle of September, and kind of stopped taking them.  When you are on an antibiotic, you are very careful in what else you take.

I started taking steroids on October 23.  I get about 4-5 hours of sleep, then can't seem to go back to sleep.  I can probably count on both hands, how many times, I have gotten a good night's sleep since school has started.  I was out of the valerean root, so I bought a bottle at Giant Eagle last Saturday.  Nobody told me,  that sleep issues is a side effect of the steroids.  I took both sleep aids about 45-60 minutes before going to sleep over the next 4-6 nights. 

  I noticed how difficult it was to go up the short flight of stairs to the recess door to pick my kids, and the short flight of stairs to the entrance/dismissal doors we use.  I am not talking about becoming short of breath, I am talking about my muscles in my legs, it was taking effort.  Even at night to go upstairs to go to bed, it was an effort to use the stairs.  Thursday night, I noticed a rash on my right leg.  I had also noticed having cramps in my left leg, while moving around in my bed.  My muscles hurt in my right leg, there is a rash on the front of my right leg and part of the back of my left leg.  Both legs are covered in bruises. My legs also itch at times. I had an allergic reaction to the sleep aids. 

Yesterday, I called my lung doctor to get in and see him, due to the allergic reaction.  He was out of office and said to go to the emergency room.  I called my personal doctor, she was booked solid, but another doctor had an opening right after lunch. I took it.  He had blood drawn to check my platelets, and sent me to get an ultrasound of my right leg.  (I had one back in July).  He wanted to check for blood clots.  That came back normal, no blood clots.  No more sleep aids until I am done with the steroids and will have to adapt to not getting enough sleep.  I need sleep.

I got weighed at the doctor's office, and I haven't gained any weight since October 22.  That is good, since gaining weight is one of the side effects of taking steroids.  I just want to eat.  I have also felt like I have been in a brain fog.  It is like I feel totally out of it.  I felt this way back in September when I was sick.  I kinda felt like this last weekend when I was experiencing the sugar crash.  I am not sure what causes this brain fog.  Side effects of meds are never fun.  Because of this rash, I can not wear my compression stocking.  I do get tired of wearing the stocking, but it is something I will have to wear for the rest of my life. 

What is Sarcoidosis?

  Sarcoidosis (sarcoid) is an autoimmune disease.  It can affect any part of one's body.  One can have flareups and then have it settle back down (remission).  But it can get worse and worse over time.  It is also a genetic disease.  I have sarcoid in my lungs (nodules with granulomas), in my lymph nodes with granulomas, and has been found on one spot on my skin.  I will found out the Tuesday before Thanksgiving, if it has started to affect my kidneys. 

  I believe that I have had this disease since I was a kid.  I have had a cough since I was a kid.  I got colds, upper respiratory infections, and sinus infections quite a bit.  Since I've had sinus surgery in January 2006, my sinus infections have not been as many. 

  I also believe that my brother had sarcoid.  Will be finding out in about a week, if my mom has sarcoid. 

   If you want to read up about sarcoid, go to www.webmd.com and in the search window, type in sarcoid. 

Lesson Learned

  Back in the spring, I decided to severely cut back on my chocolate and candy intake.  I still kept my Mike & Ikes in my purse, for meetings and other times when I did a lot of yawning.   There have been times this fall, where I did not eat much because of being sick.  Last week, I started taking steroids for my sarcoid.  For  a week now, I've noticed how much energy I've had.  (Still having issues sleeping, though.)   I've also been wanting to just eat this past week, which has been due to the steroids. 

   Dad came home with some snack size Snickers and Reese Peanut Butter Cups, since they were on sale.  I ate too many last night after supper, and went into a major sugar crash.  I felt weird,  was in bed by 10:30.  I had that feeling for a few hours.  That has never happened before, and I will never do that again. 

Saw my Lung Doctor Today

  I've had so much blood drawn this month!  The second time this month, was for seeing my lung doctor today, to have my ACE levels checked.  This is down.  My calcium level has been going up all year.  January it was 9, in July 10.1, and earlier this month, it was 12.4.  I had a PET/CT scan in August just before the start of the school year.  Here are the results from that: the lymph nodes in my abdomen are better (the swelling have decreased), the lymph nodes are still swollen in under both of my arm pits and in my left groin area, and my spleen is bigger than it was  in February.   I have been getting headaches off an on since June.  I have been told to keep track of them, because people can have neurosarcoid.  I do not have any other symptoms for neurosarcoid.  He was debating on scheduling me to have an MRI on my head/brain.  As of now, I am not getting an MRI.

  I will be taking predisone for three months.  I will see this doctor on Martin Luther King Jr. day.  At that time, will talk about some kind of scan, because that is the best way to see if there are changes or not.  I am hoping that the side effects are not that bad.  One of the major side effects is gaining weight.  I have lost some weight, and do not want to gain a lot of it.

  I had to get a flu shot this afternoon, because of going on steroids.

Saw the Kidney Doctor

  I had an appointment with the kidney doctor today.  My oncologists office set it up, and told me the appointment was for 10:30 am.  I took the day off from school.  I get there, and was told my appointment was for 2:30 pm.  That made me mad, since I had training from 4-6 pm.

  I went back this afternoon.  I had blood drawn on Tuesday, and he hadn't received those results yet.  I do not know what my cretin level is currently.  Even back in June, it was slightly elevated.  My calcium level is high, over 12.  There is two kinds of vitamin D in your body, so he thinks the one kind will be high.  I am going to  have blood drawn tomorrow morning and will have a lot of things tested.  The theory is that my sarcoid is messing with my kidneys.  I am still dehydrated.  As of now, I will see him again the week of Thanksgiving.  He is going to talk to my oncologist and my lung doctor.

Friday's Update

 My weight is the same as yesterday's.  Labs were drawn and they were looking at two different things.  One was good, and my cretin level went up from 2.25 to 2.26.  I ended up getting two bags of fluid this afternoon, that makes a total of eight bags of fluid this week.  As soon as the second bag was done, boom, I became really tired.  I am cold.

I will have labs done again Tuesday afternoon.  I will see the kidney doctor next Thursday at 10:30 am.

Thursday Update

  I received two more bags of fluid this afternoon.  Yesterday I didn't get cold.  But, boy am I cold this evening.  I did get cold at the cancer center this afternoon.   Mom started a fire in the fireplace and it feels good to sit in front of it.  My cretin levels have dropped down  to 2.2.  I will have to go in tomorrow afternoon to get another bag of fluid.  So, my port is still accessed.  If I need more fluids after tomorrow, I will have to go to the emergency room on Saturday to get more fluids.

  I now have to see a renal doctor.  Nobody knows for sure what is wrong.  Do I have a sinus infection or the flu, which caused me to become dehydrated, or is there something else going on? 

  Again I got to see my favorite nurses today!

Kidney Problems

    Monday afternoon, I received three voice mails from my oncologist's office.  My cretin level was 3.9 Friday morning.  My oncologist thought the blue dye from the CT scan caused this issue with my kidneys.  They wanted me to receive fluids.
   Yesterday, I was scheduled to have my port flushed and blood drawn to test my ACE levels (sarcoid). My cretin levels were 3.1. I received two bags of fluid.  I was told that I had to get an ultrasound of my kidneys.  I had that done at 1 pm today, then went back over to the cancer center to received two more bags of fluid. 
   Now my cretin levels are 2.9. I have to go back to the cancer center tomorrow for two more bags of  fluids.  They are getting me in, so that I can still keep my dentist appointment at 4 pm.
  The highlight of my day was seeing my two favorite nurses.
    Still having headaches, stomach ache, and feeling a bit nausea. 
  Nobody knows what is going on with my kidneys and what has caused this.

God Thing

    My last  post, I talked about how I haven't been feeling well, and it has been three weeks of this.  I saw my oncologist this morning, and I can say I  was actually looking forward to seeing him.  The appointment got moved up from the 29th to this morning.  I explained everything that was going on.  I had blood work done.  My vein was accessed for drawing blood.  White blood count was 5.1, normal.  Platelets okay, and my red blood count was down to 3.6, making me anemic.  My doctor made a comment that maybe I am now suffering from migraines.  He said to drink a bit of caffeine when I get a headache.  I have a headache most of the time.  He did request a ct scan of my head/brain.

   I go see the scheduler, she said it could be up to three weeks for the CT scan.  I asked if by chance there was an opening today.  She called, and City Hospital happened to have one this afternoon.  That is so God.  I am so glad it was at City Hospital.  I was told to drink a lot of water, and that I could have lunch.  My appointment was for 2 pm.

       No issue accessing my vein this morning.  The nurse tried my arm, and boy did it hurt, she flushed the vein, and I complained of the pain.  She flushed it a second time,  then the vein blew.  That area of my arm hurt.  I was not willing to try another vein, so they called for a nurse and she accessed my port.  I had the scan, then came home.  I ended up taking the whole day off from school. 

   Getting an appointment today at City was a good thing.  City hospital is the only place that will access my port for scans that require contrast. 

  I will get the results next week, when I call my oncologist's office.  My doctors are not sure what is wrong.  I hope I can find out soon, so I can start to feel better.  Maybe then, I will start to sleep better.

Not Feeling Well

  I have not been feeling well the last two weeks.  Today, I am so tired with no energy.  Actually everything started at the beginning go the school year.  The school year started at the end of August.  My school has no A/C, and the temps were in the upper 90's.  I felt a bit nausea by the end of the day.  Started having problems sleeping.  (I like my school). The week of September 8 was the same type of weather.

     Monday, September 16, while doing my devotions, I heard the blender (that means pancakes), and I smelled bacon grease.  By the time I got downstairs and saw the blender, I was nausea, felt like I wanted to throw up and my stomach was bothering me.   I have been feeling like this quite a bit since that day.  My gagging reflex is so bad.  I saw my doctor on the 19th.  She said I had a small bladder infections, gave me something, and said to move up my appointment with my oncologist.

   The next day I started to feel better, but by Monday, I had the same symptoms.  I saw her again on the 26th.  this time,  I had a slight fever,s he said I looked like crap.  She said something about scanning my belly, but also knew I would light up because of my lymph nodes.  I thought the way she was talking, she wanted to admit me to the hospital, because I wasn't allowed to drive myself to the emergency room.  Mom took me, and I said something about them consulting with my oncologist.  They ended up calling my doctor, and did nothing for me.  I took a sick day on Friday.  I also have a nasty headache.  I get 4-6 hours of sleep if that much, and that is interrupted with times of not being able to sleep. 

  I need to feel better soon.  I am seeing my oncologist this Friday morning.

Akron Zoo

Today (September 1) through September 5 is community days for a lot of towns in Summit County.  Mom picked up our free tickets back in July.  Both mom and dad went, and we met a friend of the family, her two daughters and three her three grandkids.  It was hot!  A new exhibit opened back in July, so there are some new animals.  Here are some pictures that I took this afternoon.

Great Smokey Mountains

I spent a week in Pigeon Forge and Gatlinburg, TN.  Even in Pigeon Forge, you can still see the mountains.  We spent parts of two days in the Smokey Mountains.  Very beautiful country.  Right now, I want to wake up to mountains in my backyard.  We went to four shows, went swimming, lounged around our townhouse.  I had a very enjoyable vacation.

 Went to Cooter's Place and saw the General Lee.  Otherwise, the museum stunk.

I got to be on an actual Indian Reservation.

I Do Not Have a Blood Clot

I am not sure how soon after getting back from VA, I noticed that my right leg was swollen, and it hurts in a couple of areas.  I had two massages last week, because of my sore and tight muscles.  I called and was able to get an appointment to see my doctor this morning.  I didn't think all of the swelling was due to my lymphodema that I have had in my right leg since the LND.

  I saw her and she wanted me to get an ultrasound of my leg and an x-ray of my foot and ankle.  I wasn't allowed to leave until they got the results and looked at it.  My doctor and I both had thought blood clot.  I was scheduled for the ultrasound at 2:15 pm.  After the ultrasound, I got the x-rays.  then I sat and waited.  I do not have a blood clot in my right leg  or foot.  I am to wear my compression stocking every day, and if the swelling doesn't go down by the end of the week, call to make an appointment to see her again.

  It is good news not to have a blood clot.  We think the swelling is due to being on my feet and all of the walking I did in the heat while in VA.  I even wore my compression stocking while in VA.

Today's visit with the Lung Doctor

  I had an appointment with my lung doctor this morning.  I had a blood test in 2011 to check my ACE levels (lets you know about sarcoid) and it was less than 3.  I had it done back in March of this year and it was 63.  It is on the high end of normal.  I had blood drawn this morning via my veins to check my ACE levels again.  I will have this test done again in October. 

   He said my platelets being a little low could be because of my spleen being bigger.  But, he doesn't know for sure.  It is hard to know what to do, should we treat my sarcoid, or continue to wait.  With being a survivor of Melanoma, that is what is making it hard.  I've had surgery twice to see if it was back, but it was just the sarcoid causing the problems.  For now, we are going to wait. 

  I will be having a PET/CT scan or just a CT scan in the next three months.  depending on what that shows, will determine if we decide to treat my sarcoid or continue to wait.  So far, I do not have to go on steroids!  Yeah! In three months that might change.

My Trip to Virginia

  Last week, I went to Mechanicsville, VA to see a friend.  Three of the days, I was down in Williamsburg.  I left a week ago, on the 14th.  Monday, I went to the Metro Richmond Zoo and The Science Museum of Richmond.  At the zoo, I laughed hysterically for about 15-20 minutes while trying to feed the giraffes. I kept dumping food on the to the ground.  it is a weird feeling having their tongue lick your hand.  I saw them licking the wooden post, and even stick their tongue down into a kid's cup of food, trying to eat out of the cup.  I also enjoyed the science museum.

   On Tuesday, went to Colonial Williamsburg. (This part has been reconstructed.) Williamsburg was the capital of VA from 1699-1780.  Richmond became the capital in 1780.  The first capital of VA was Jamestown. 

The second picture is called the Magazine, it is where the gunpowder for the whole town was kept.

    Wednesday, I went to Jamestown Settlement, which includes reconstructed James Fort, Powhatan Village, and the three ships they sailed on from England.  Historical Jamestown is just now an archaeological dig site.  Then I took the driving tour of the Yorktown Battlefields.  I saw where General George Washington's headquarters was.  I stood near the spot where General Cornwallis surrendered to George Washington in 1781.  I saw the field where the British and German soldiers had to march to, to lay down their weapons.  After that, I spend about an hour at Yorktown Victory Center.

A picture of the map of the battlefields that I followed on my driving tour.

Thursday, I spent the day at Busch Gardens at Williamsburg.  I had supper with Elmo and Friends.  I saw Elmo, Big Bird, Cookie Monster, Bert, Ernie, and Abby.

Cookie Monster photo bombed this picture.

Postponed Again!

Yesterday afternoon, I called my oncologists office to find out if they had heard back from my insurance company.  All I heard was that it had been postponed.  Since the scheduler didn't call me back, I called back this morning and was able to talk to her.  I was turned down again.  They said something about 180 days in between scans, and that my doctor can appeal it.  My doctor is appealing their decision, and I should hopefully know within 30 days.  I have been making plans, and will probably have to change something, depending on what I find out.  Until then, a CT scan has been scheduled for October, just in case. 

Last Week's CT Scan's Results

  Last Friday, June 28, I had a CT scan.  I saw my oncologist this morning.  Lymph nodes and lung nodules are still they same.  They haven't shrunk or gotten bigger.  My spleen has gotten bigger.  As of now, I have a PET/CT scan scheduled for next Wednesday.  That can be cancelled due to my insurance.  My oncologist will tell them there are new symptoms due to my spleen. If the PET/CT scan is cancelled or comes up inconclusive, I will have another CT scan in October.

  My oncologist does not want to do another biopsy.  If he tries to biopsy my spleen, there will be a lot of bleeding.  The problem with this is, is that I have sarcoid.  With sarcoid symptoms (when it is active), it makes it look like the melanoma is back.  Sarcoid and Melanoma have the same symptoms. Sarcoid is an autoimmune disease and I will have it for  life.

  In three weeks, I see my lung doctor, and I will find out then, if I have to start taking steroids.  If I do, steroids are supposed to shrink the lymph nodes.  I do not want to start taking steroids, because of the side effects. 

Texas

Last week, I flew down to TX.  I got to spend a few days with two of my closes friends.  We had a lot of fun and girl time.  I enjoyed the two little boys I get to spend time with during my trip.  They are very cute!

On Tuesday afternoon, we played at the house.  I had fun.

Wednesday, we had lunch at the Chocolate Angel.

After lunch, we drove over to Sweet Firefly for some ice cream.

Thursday, we went to the Perot Museum downtown Dallas.  This is basically the old Science Place and Museum of Natural History.

Friday, after lunch, we stopped at the field of sunflowers.

On Thursday, I fell at sprained my left ankle.  My whole foot is bruised and hurts at times.  I came home Saturday afternoon.

Insurance Company Said "NO"

I was scheduled for a PET scan this morning.  Late last Friday afternoon, I had a voice mail from my oncologist office. (I had left my ringer off even after I got home.)  I have to get permissions from my insurance company to have a PET scan.  My oncologist ordered it back in March, to see what my lymph nodes were up, three months after surgery.  My doctor even had talked to my insurance company about why I needed it, and they didn't change their minds.  I am now having a CT scan on the 28th of this month. 

I kept my appointment for getting my port flushed, since it had been five weeks.  I talked the scheduler, for my oncologists office,  into getting an order for blood work for this morning.  I usually have blood work done a couple of weeks before my CT scan. I waited for the results, my white blood count and my platelets have  both dropped below the low end of the normal range.  With all of my bruises I have,  I am a little concerned.  Not sure if this is due to the Sarcoid or something else, I am keeping Wednesday's appointment with my oncologist.  I will see him again next month to get the results of the CT Scan.  Even blood pressure was a little high this morning.

My appointment with my lung doctor has also been pushed back to the day before my birthday.

Where Sarcoid Can Be Found

Back in February, I had a physical with my personal doctor.  She found a spot on my upper thigh.  I showed it to my oncologist, and he said to show it to my dermatologist.  I saw her on Monday, May 13.  She looked at it and to play it safe, removed it via laser and had it tested.  For being a Melanoma survivor, I have pretty clear skin.  I got the results back today.  It is Sarcoid.  I was told that Sarcoid can be found on the skin, not just in my lungs.  She will send a report to my oncologist. 

  My lung function test I had a couple of weeks ago, came back fine.  I will find out on July 1,  if I will have to start taking steroids.

Elivs Festival

Saturday, April 27 was the Elvis Festival at St. Clements Hall in Toledo, OH.  I have a friend that I met at church during college, and he sings Elvis and Buddy Holly.  He does a really good job.  I haven't seen him in about 16-17 years.  I drove to Toledo to see him sing and to reconnect with him.  I enjoyed listening to him sing.

He has recorded some music cds of him singing Elvis and Buddy Holly music. 

   I also got to see my former second grade teacher.  I haven't seen her in about twenty years, and that was when I was in college.  I stayed the night at her house, and went to church with her this morning.  After lunch, I came back home.  I had a very enjoyable weekend.

Everything Came Back Negative!

  I saw my oncologist this morning and I will see the surgeon this Friday morning.  From my oncologist, the results are negative.  Even the blood test that I had on March 1 came back  negative for Melanoma.  That means I am still NED!!!!!  I have been diagnosed with some inflammatory disease, probably sarcoid. Hard to say for sure which one.  I will have another PET/CT scan in three months on June 10 at 11 am.  Hopefully everything is back to normal and no new changes. 

My neck is still sore, I didn't like having stuff near my neck today.  I kept pulling at my sweater.  I had my name badge around my neck and my microphone on, and my it was bugging me.  It bothers me to turn my neck in certain directions and to raise my head up too far.  It will take time for that area to heal.  I am trying to keep my neck covered at school for now, so the kids won't have to see the incision area.

John 13:1-17 (Jesus Washing His Disciples' Feet)

      I only went to the service this morning, and the sermon I heard was from John 13:1-17.  This is a familiar story from the night of the Last Supper (Thursday night).  I heard a different perspective from this story.  After Jesus got done eating, he got up to wash the feet of his disciples. Jesus was the Master, he was above his disciples.  This is something that he should not be doing.  Washing one's feet belonged to a servant.  Jesus came to serve not to be served.  In the next 12 hours, Judas would betray Jesus, and Peter would deny Jesus three times.  Jesus knew all of this, but he still chose to wash these two guys' feet.  That is what we are to do.  We are to serve others, basically by asking them, "How can I help you?".  Those who have hurt us.  Those who we are not getting along with.   Those who we do not like.  We are to serve everybody! That is how we can be like Jesus.

Still Very Sore!

My muscles sure do hurt! It still hurts to cough.  I tried my recliner last night, not comfortable enough, so when I woke up three  hours after going to sleep, I took a pain pill and tried my bed, that was just as bad.  I hurt to move.  I am staying downstairs tonight and sleeping in my dad's recliner.  His chair is much more comfortable. 

I do feel better today, but since I hurt to move, and do not think I can do the stairs well at school, I am taking tomorrow off as well.  I will get dad to take me in the morning to prepare for the sub and to bring stuff home to grade.  I have to be able to move around at school.  I will stay home most of the weekend to rest.  I will go back to school Monday after my oncologist appointment.  By then,  I should be able to move around much better.

This was surgery number four in the past elven months.  That is a lot on one's body.

March 12's Surgery Update

I am very sore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Basically from my throat ( at times), but from my breast bone down to my butt muslces hurt.  It hurts to cough. 

  I started at Endoscopy, not out-patient surgery yesterday.  I got there a little before 11:30 and was taken back a little before noon.  My port was accessed twice and got no blood return.  A second lady came over and accessed me again, with still no blood return, but it did flush, so it was good to go for the IV.  They have been told, when using a port, you do not need blood return, in order to start an IV, but did does need to flush.

I was taken to surgery a little before 1:30, right after Dad showed up.  Both nurses had to see my hole, while in the elevator.  It doesn't bother me to show off the hole.  My lung doctor started first, and did the broncoscopy and did the needle biopsy of the lymph nodes.  That came back negative for cancer.  He went down into my lungs, but could not get to do a biopsy of the nodule.  It was very small, hard to reach.  H was using some type of xray to guide him.  Then my surgeon took over and took out a few lymph nodes, and they came back negative.  But due to my history and to play it safe, he continued and took  more out.  I was in surgery for 3  hours.  I was moved to in patient recovery room because of the type of surgery I had, instead of out patient recovery room.

I had a hard time waking up.  I just wanted to sleep.  I had that issue before, I think a couple of years ago, and maybe even in 2007.  The nurses made me get out of bed around 8 to walk and we left before 8:30 pm.  Dad picked us up from out patient doors, and as soon as he turned onto Goodkirk off of Forge St, he had to pull over, so I could throw up.  I hadn't eaten in over 24 hours, and just had a bit of water on my stomach.

When I got home, I went to my dad's chair, and that is where I slept last night.  Where the incision is, it feels heavy and tight.  I am still pretty tired today.  I am taking tomorrow off to rest some more.

I see my oncologist on Monday morning and will see the surgeon on the 22nd.  I will be late to school on Monday and will be taking the 22nd off from school.

On the 25th, I will be 5 1/2 years NED.  I am praying that I still am NED.

New Surgery Date

I had my ringer on my phone both Thursday and yesterday at school.  I finally got the info I wanted yesterday morning.  Surgery is scheduled for 1:30 pm on Tuesday, March 12 at City Hospital.  I was told to be at out patient by 11:30 am.  Later, I got a voice mail saying to be someplace else by 11:30 am.  I left a message for a certain person at the doctor's office, and she called me back later.  I have to be at Endoscopy by 11:30 am.  That is where the bronscopy will be done.  Do not know if I will stay there for the other part, or be transferred to a different operating room.

Lung Doctor Appointment

  I got a sub for the afternoon, went home, and mom went with my to my doctor's appointment this afternoon.  The doctor said it was easier to have me come in than try to explain things over the phone.  Last Friday, the surgeon hunted my lung doctor down at the hospital (lung doctor was in surgery) and my oncologist called him also.  Surgery is not on Monday, but looking like on Tuesday, will know more tomorrow.  My lung doctor is not exactly available to do surgery on Monday, that is why there is a change in the date.

    What will be done during my surgery?  First, a bronchial scope to do a needle biopsy of the lymph nodes.  If that comes back clean, then he (lung doctor) will try to do a needle biopsy of nodules in my lungs.  If that comes back clean (of cancer), then the surgeon will make an incision along my neck above the breast bone, and insert the camera and take out lymph nodes.  If at any point the needle biopsies come back positive for cancer, then they are done with surgery, because that means I am no longer NED (remission) and will move up to stage IV.  If all three come back clean, no cancer, then my lung doctor will decide if I will receive treatment for sarcoid.  Treatment for sarcoid is perdisidone (steroids).  So far, I have not received any treatment for sarcoid.

   Sarcoid and granulomar disease is basically the same thing.  Sarcoid is basically an inflammation of the lungs.  Doctors don't really know how people get sarcoid, but mom and I think I've had it since I was a kid.  Sarcoid can get worse, enough damage done to the lungs that a transplant will be needed.  The doctor said that back in October, I had 83% of Oxygen going from my lungs to the blood.  That was a slight change from February 2012.  I am scheduled for another lung function test in May.

   I called my oncologist's office this afternoon, to see if I could get the blood test results from last Friday.  He told me that I could call this week.  The nurse I talked to said I couldn't get the results until he came back to the office next Monday, he is on vacation this week.

   I think my brother could've had sarcoid also, but he has also never been tested for it as well.

Seeing the Lung Doctor

  This afternoon, I had a voicemail from my lung doctor's office.  He wants to see me tomorrow afternoon at 1:15 pm.  I decided to go, because I know that eventually, I would be seeing him this spring.  That means, having to have a sub for tomorrow afternoon.  I wonder why he wants to see me?  I wonder if he has the blood test results for the sarcoid test?

Timmy's Funeral

  Today, was my brother's funeral.  The family had to be at church by 9:30, so we could have our own time with him, before friends came to pay their respects.  It was hard to see  him in the casket.  He still looked puffy.  When I saw his fingers, I could no longer tell that he used to suck his fingers.  I thought they looked good.  I and the house manager spoke about Timmy at the funeral.  It was a nice funeral.  Saw people who I haven't seen in years.  I had a few friends come and I surely appreciate them being there.  Those who came were showing respect because they knew us in someway.  Thank you to all who came to the funreal.  The middle section seemed pretty full.  It was nice.

  I got to choose the poem that went into the memory card of my brother.  Here is the poem:

For those I Love....

For those who love me.

When I am gone, release me, let me go...

I have so many things to see and do.

You mustn't tie yourself to me with tears,

Be happy that we had so many years.

I gave you my love, You can only guess

How much you gave to me in happiness.

I thank you for the love you each gave shown,

But now it's time to travel on alone.

So grieve awhile for me, if you must.

Then let your grief be comforted by trust.

It's only for awhile that we must part,

So bless the memories within your heart.

I won't be far away, for life goes on,

So if you need me call and I will come.

though you can't see or touch me, I'll be near.

And if you listen with your hear you'll hear

All of my love around you soft and clear.

And them when you must come this way alone,

I'll greet you with a smile and say, Welcome Home.

      My brother is in Heaven!  I will see him again some day, and receive Timmy hugs for eternity, but it is hard, but I still want to get them here on earth.  

  Mom and I stopped at the library this afternoon, and I was looking at books for school, and was thinking I wouldn't be able to check out children's books again, then stopped, oh yeah, I can for my students at school.  I used to go to the library to find books to read to Timmy.  I really enjoyed reading to him.  He was a great brother!

Surgery Date

I called the surgeon's office, while we were outside at recess.  I was told that they still hadn't heard back from the hospital, and the hospital wasn't sure if they could add another new person to the schedule of surgery or not.  A couple of hours later, my phone rang ( I had the ringer on and in my pocket), and it was the surgeon's office.  Surgery is scheduled for Monday, March 11 at noon.  I have to be there by 10 am. The surgery will be at City and it is outpatient. 

  I am taking the next day off as well.  I told the secretary that I would call the school on the 12th to let them know for sure if I will or will not be  at school on Wednesday.  I do have an appointment with my oncologist on the 18th at 8:30 am.  I do not know if there will be follow-up with the surgeon or not.  I plan on going to school after my doctor's appointment on the 18th, but that could always change.

Active Sarcoid or Melanoma

  I saw the surgeon and my oncologist this morning and  this afternoon.  I like the surgeon.  He showed me pictures of the scans of my lungs and had copies made for me.  He showed me where the nodules were and where the lymph nodes are that have swelled up.  The lymph nodes are around my windpipe.  The nodules are either Melanoma or scar tissue (Granulomars) which is Sarcoid.  Sarcoid causes the nodules, lymph nodes to swell, and the spleen to get bigger.  Sarcoid is treatable.  I was told back in the summer of 2007, that I had Sarcoid.  One syptom is a cough, which I have basically had off and on since I was a kid.  I had blood drawn this afternoon via a vein,  so it could be tested for Sarcoid.  This test is not the best test, but it is used.  I have not had the bronchial scope done, even though  my lung doctor has talked about it before.  He is going to be brought up to speed by both the surgeon and my oncologist.

I am waiting to hear back from the surgeon's office, but as of now,  I will be having surgery next Friday, March 8.  It is a short, out patient procedure.  A small slit is made just above my breast bone, and a camera is sent down, and he will remove some lymph nodes and they will be tested.  As of now, I am scheduled to see my oncologist on Monday, March 18 at 8:30 am.  The sooner this is done the better for me.

  I now just have to tell my parents tomorrow night after I pick them up from the airport.

Been thinking...

From what has been going on this month, I was thinking last night.  Back in December, mom and I had been talking about Obama Care  and how it could affect Timmy.  At some point, it would come that the hospital would say that we can not care for him.  They basically wouldn't be allowed to.  The main reason would be that he is handicapped.  So for him dying now is a blessing in disguise that we do not have to go through.

From what I read about Granulomar Disease, is eczema being active.  I have been having issues with mine since late summer.  I have been complaining about it, and have started thinking in the last few months, that maybe I had become allergic to tomato products.  It seems that my eczema would bother me when I ate pizza, spaghetti, chips and salsa, lasagna.  My eczema is the corners of my mouth.

PET/CT Scan

    Since the last time I had a PET/CT scan, some changes were made. Like, having to eat a high protein/low carb diet.  That is hard for someone who doesn't eat that way.  I had to really watch my sugar intake.  I couldn't eat birthday cake from a friend's surprise party yesterday.  I do not like Greek yogurt.  I knew I didn't like it, but ate a container of one yesterday.  I also had to limit my movement for yesterday.

   I went upstairs to have Infusion services access my port first, went downstairs, they gave me the drug, and you are to wait an hour before you can have the scan done, so I went back upstairs to be flushed and deaccessed.  They did two different sets of scans, totaling almost an  hour in length.  I will get the results on Friday.  I came home and basically did nothing the rest of the afternoon.  I drove gma nuts by watching tv for a few hours.

I think this is scare #6

So far, February has been a rough month, and March will also be rough.  Last Friday (2/15) I had my CT scan with contrast.  I saw my oncologist this morning for the results.  As the title says, another scare that my cancer is back.  What did the scan say?  Lymph nodes a little worse and they are not easily accessible; small nodules in both lungs 2-7 mm in size and too small to be biopsied, and my spleen is 2 cm bigger. My blood word I had done on the 5th cam back good.  I found out today that I was diagnosed with granuloma disease two years ago.  Go to the following website to find out more information about granuloma disease: http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001239.htm. From reading this, I think my brother also had granuloma disease.  According to the website, it is an inherited disease, so both of my parents are carriers.

Next Monday (2/25) I will have a Pet/CT scan.  That Friday (3/1) I will be seeing a new doctor, a Cardiothoracic surgeon in the morning and see my oncologist early that afternoon.  I googled the surgeon, and from what I read, he is to be a top notch surgeon/doctor.

Depending on what the PET/CT scan says will determine the next steps.  Biopsy? Surgery?

It seems like every year, I have a scare of some kind.  I am tired of having a scare every year.  When can I go a year without scares?

Father,
      I know you know what you are doing?  You have plans to prosper me, not to harm me.  Please give me the strength to get through this.  I also what you to be glorified during this time.  Please use me in whatever way you deem.  Your will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.  I am not happy.  This on top of Timmy's death, and the stress of the school year seems to be too much bear.

Amen

RIP Timothy Andrew Sanyo

     Janiuary 30, 1977-February 13, 2013, is the life span for my brother.  He was admitted to the ICU this past Sunday morning.  I saw him that afternoon.  He was put on a respirator Monday to try to help clear up his lungs and to make it easier to breathe.  I was told Tuesday night that he wasn't doing good. A little before 1:30 pm yesterday, while my students were at special, I got a call, saying that Timmy was coming off the respirator and only had hours to live. I left school and went straight to the hospital.  We had a roomful of people.  We told stories about him and laughed, stories about how much of a stinker he could be.
     About 9:45 pm, he was moved out of ICU and to a regular floor.  I left a few minutes before 10 pm to come home and go to bed.  A little before 10:30 pm, the hospital called to say that Timmy had died.  I've been crying off and on since yesterday afternoon.
   My first thought was if I knew he would only live 30 more minutes that I would've stayed.  Then a few minutes later, I thought,  maybe he waited until I left to die, just to be a stinker one more time.  Like he had the last word.

This was taken on Christmas in 2010.

Timmy's funeral will be Tuesday, March 5 at Grace Baptist Church on Firestone Blvd, in Akron, OH at 11 am, and visitation at 10 am.  He will be burried next to Grandpa Sanyo.

Woe Is Me!

"So I said: 'Woe is me, for I am undone! Because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of Hosts.' "     Isaiah 6:5

      An exalted view of God brings a clear view of sin and a realistic view of self. A diminished view of God brings a reduced concern for sin and an inflated view of self.  Isaiah may have been satisfied with his personal holiness until he saw the Lord in His unspeakable glory.  Isaiah's encounter with holy God made him immediately and keenly aware of his own unholiness and the sinfulness of those around him.  It is impossible to worship God and remain unchanged.  the best indication that we have truly worshiped is a changed heart.

    Have we so conformed ourselves to a sinful world that we are satisfied with unholy living?  Have we sunk so far below God's standard that when someone does live as God intended, we consider that person "superspiritual"? If we only compare our personal holiness so those around us, we may be deceived into believing that we are living a consecrated life.  yet when we encounter holy God, our only response can be "Woe is me!"

     You will not see those around you trusting Jesus until they recognize a clear difference between you and the rest of the world.  God wants to sanctify you as He is holy.  When God deals with you there will be a radical degree of purity about your life that is absolutely different from what the world can produce.  The world, including those closest to you, will be convinced you serve a holy God by your consecrated life.

  This devotion is today's devotion in my Experiencing God Day-By-Day book by Henry and Richard Blackaby.  I have been using this book since October 2000.  I am on my second copy of the book.  I enjoy going back and rereading things I have written in the past and seeing if anything has changed.